Saturday, April 24, 2004
no difference
for once in a not-so-long while, im feeling neglected and COMPLETELY alone. it's frustrating me to no end, mind you. i mean. yeah, i've got alot of other ppl for company but that's not the point. not to me, anyway. and eventho i know that this entry is going to be completely histrionic im going to RANT here like the world doesnt exists.
i ---e you.
one day i will sink into this overwhelming sense of numbness so wholly that i know i will forget to breathe. and that will be the day i can gather up my guts, (but only because i can't feel them) and tell you that everything must come to an end. (this is all so deja vú - im quite sure this has happened to me one too many times in all my previous lives.)
have i mentioned how neglected i'm feeling? i hope i havent done this to you before. if i have, i'll never do it again. to you or anyone. simply because, having tasted it myself, i've come to the sober conclusion that NO ONE deserves this sort of treatment.
right now, i guess i've allowed my high-maintenance brat-girl alter ego to possess me but since you probably don't care, i don't either. so sue me.
and you wanna know what's really stupid? i'm STILL feeling GUILTY because i know that im usually not like this (i think - i'd hate myself if i were) and yeah. im just feeling bad about everything. sorry.
i hate it when im alone at home.
- going.M.I.A. -