Wednesday, March 31, 2004
bleeding/ /rose
you know who you are >>> it seems like all my entries are dedicated to you in some way or another; i guess this is pretty symbolic of me laying down the story of my life at your feet, the raw, faded petals of my bruised-magenta life ---rosebud-bunched-up-only-for-those-who-know-me-too-well--- lying helplessly; haplessly; at your marbled feet. begging for recognition, to feel you scoop the heap of velvet kisses into your warm hands; waiting for you to finger them lightly, and in acceptance of my chronic histrionism, pray,
allow them to lightly carress and embed themselves into the ridges of your palm before you decide to let godly fury overtake your hands and crush each piece of dying rose, please
simply
let them slur
deep down into a growing pool of their own graceful, graceless kind: gradually-blackening petals-long-forgotten.
and yet, it amazes me how they pale in comparison with the softness of your crimson lips. your soft pink tongue compliments and enhances its rich colour.
your kisses dye me moist with fever.
and for all the times i've made you feel unwanted, unloved, unneeded - i beseech you to take comfort in the knowing that it is also an un-deniable fact that i love you.
at the end of the day, i now know that even though i may be a complete and utter fool, im
proud
to be YOUR complete and utter fool.
and this is me -
head over heels for
you.
ily.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
hey all~ im trying out this new layout for a bit..
comments?
Monday, March 29, 2004
chase my thoughts away
to you* -
to lose you wld be to rip out my own shadow frm my ankles, or whatever hidden, private portion of my body it stems from. im as attached to you as a child is to her favourite slinky toy, or whatever gives her the most security. comfort
to seek solace in your strong arms and bite down onto your shoulder in small, piteous attempts to bring you into my life a little more; to let you experience MINIMALLY how i find my life oh-so-stressful.
im too idiosyncratic for my own good; i think you're too good for me.
and yet it brings tears to my eyes in the knowing that you'll have me all the same -
i love you.
lastly, TERENCE! HAPPY 15TH!(*= may joy and happiness attach themselves like shadows at your feet. ;) hope you had a great bday.(=
Sunday, March 28, 2004
in other words
a quickie:
1. quality time is rejuvenating.(=
2. SC debate hen shi tou! heh.
3. linked rings are also very shi tou! and they're preeeetty too!((=
4. stress is really kicking in. listing is one way of me trying to organise my life.
5. dont forget - YOU promised to manage my mess of a life fer me! and im gonna hold you to that promise. =p
i.e., life is lookin up. i shld get my head outta the clouds soon. =p
cheerios, everyone! (=
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Magister Mundi sum!
"I am the Master of the Universe!"
You are full of yourself, but you're so cool you
probably deserve to be. Rock on.
Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Saturday, March 20, 2004
lol.
Your Energy is Yellow. You are generous, bright,
and expressive. An excellent communicator, you
keep your audience captivated with your
animated storytelling. Sometimes you talk too
much, but when you learn to listen you will be
sought out for your talents to advise.
The communications field appeals to you as a
profession. Public speaking, writing, radio,
acting or teaching would also be good career
choices.
What color is your energy?
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Thursday, March 18, 2004
do you mean what you say//
//i want our love to last forever
this is to make up for yesterday: 170304. it's been a quarter.. remember: i.l.y.a. (*=
anyhow, i watched CAT IN A HAT.. hehe. it's a super fun movie. =D the esplanade has never been more melancholic or romantic..
//baby, dont you break my heart
slow.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
the hardest words
to the RGS girls: thanks for a great evening - a thousand apologies if our romps at the pool got you into a sticky situation w the management. =p next time, the party's gonna be at someplace where we can actually throw ppl in. =D hahha. jk.(=
anyhow, post-party me - i'm feeling totally and completely weirded-out with myself. my body feels foreign, my head and heart seems to be attached in and to all the wrong places. my hands and my hair are working against my will. i feel like scraping my knuckles along the corners of a red brick wall jus to see if the blood that comes when my skin splits open is silver instead of brick-coloured
and then i'll know if there's a cause for worry because
besides the fact that i feel all so very out-of-place everywhere, i know i know i know i KNOW (dont try to convince me otherwise) that im N-O-T perfect. (i mean, afterall, no one is.) the thing is that im not even CLOSE to perfect. perfect people wldnt be suffering frm a histrionic and/or idiosyncratic fit like this. and im so, so sorry that i cant be your perfect one.
i am the anti-thesis.
everything feels wrong, but yet i know that most everything is going smoothly. i'm ruined; i ruin the almost perfect evenings to almost perfect days. and at the end of it all, i am almost always only left with
the
burnt-
out
end of a
cigerrette
.
charred
Monday, March 15, 2004
knowing glances
jus came back frm the stadium.. went running w my sis. =p but first and foremost, LUCAS THANK YOU SO MUCH. ultimately you always end up being my personal lifesaver.(= what wld i do without you, bro? (please dont answer that qn.. haha.)
anyway, went to novena in the morning today. met up with luc to do work, then along came my White Charger and we *rode off* into the cinemas to watch HAUNTED MANSION.
HM is the ULTIMATE cheesey movie of the yr. =p i mean. haha. deadpan story line. horribly slapstick. but the effects and singing were pretty decent.. basically yr typical family film. =p
anyway. i think its really weird how you are so addictive. i miss you already. =p.
ily.
Saturday, March 13, 2004
kiss the rain
i like rainy days.(=
my sister and i are sitting down in the hall watching (and hearing) the sky crack.(= lightning makes for a superfantastic light show! ala sentosa-laser performance style. heh.
it's so fascinating how the rain clouds aren't grey - the entire piece of sky is ashen white, the lucid bolts harpooned down frm Up Above are an electric sorta lilac.. hmmmn. they remind of gay electric eels! (but that's assuming, of course, that marine life could survive all the way Up There and that eels actually have a sexual preference.(= )
it's really all quite magical.. look - the sky is a splendid blend of grey and grapefruit-coloured fluffy stuff.(= somehow, eventhough it's so cold outside, i'm feeling all warm and fuzzy..
it's all because of -you-.
ooh. i wish y'all could come here and watch the sky with me. oh. but waitaminute. you ARE watching the sky with me - we're all under the same expanse of cloud afterall.(=
love ya!
all the world's a stage
things that i learnt yesterday:
1. taxis are #@&!%moneyhungry daylight/night time robbers. grrrowls. i cannot believe how much i've been spent on cab fare this wk. >.<
2. you make me happy.(= ily.
3. the "centre" was put in "centrestage" for a good reason - it seemed as tho everyone was somehow pulled twds it last night. the place was CRAWLING w ppl! haha. i mean. you cldnt really expect otherwise, now cld you? lol.
4. 4.10 roxx my soxx! go go go may lin!! =D
5. crystal jade is too salty.
6. i've decided tt african tulips are -our- flowers. =D yay.
mm. skipping trng to go for high tea today~ KELLY I MISS YOOOOOU.(= mwahas. have fun, ppl.(=
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
hell hath no fury as a woman
scorned
i hate my mother.
yes, i KNOW that hate is a very strong word, but right now, at 1843 h, i HATE my mother. and i say it with PASSION. it's ALMOST the same amount of passion tt i have for my cca.
and let me tell you this, if you dont fucking let me do what i want, im gonna HATE you CONDEMN YOU BLAME YOU for the REST OF MY LIFE. i'll dont think i'll EVER acknowledge you again, and yes, i KNOW that -never- is a long time. i mean, bloody hell, my DREAMS are at stake here! i think you of all ppl shld know how it feels like when yr dreams are ROBBED frm you. knowing that you can achieve so much more but like a bonsai plant, due to external influences, your potential is clipped frm 80 feet to 9 inches.
dont let that happen to me,
please.
and so i breathe and i try to take this in my stride. WOMAN YOU'LL BE THE DEATH OF ME.
wtv.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Your a Magical Angel!Out of all the angels, you are
the one most afflicted with magic. You can do
many enchantments as well as sorcery. You cant
do black magic, because even though your not so
"pure" your still an angel. A very
kind and curious one at that. Magical Angels
are always very easy-going with humans, but
intrestingly enough, like to expirement with
them with their spells.
What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
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Thursday, March 04, 2004
and it burns. consuming me like sacred fire;
snow on the sahara.
random blog-surfing makes you think too much. i dunno.. feeling weirded-out now and i dont like the thoughts that im harbouring. its starting to worry me that i may actually be SERIOUSLY considering this prospect. perhaps its sth that i shld've done a long time ago. perhaps this just isnt the best climate for this to carry on. perhaps i overlooked too much and so even when i found out about these things and thought to myself that maybe somehow **** could lead the way and cover up for our sake, maybe i was wrong.
maybe you're a lion. too strong and wild and beautiful for me to tame. when you look at me like that, i can almost feel myself buckle beneath the intensity of your gaze. sometimes, it makes me feel like succumbing to your every will, but on other days, i feel like i've failed you. i imagine your eyes to be liquid honey, warm and brown and sweet, a light hue of cobalt blue that hints of the sky that you never fail to keep in sight of. it feels like some part of me is continually choking back tears; reaching out, every bone in my broken body longing to ride upon the back of a majestic beast that's probably too legendary and mighty in all his ferocious glory. to feel the wind caress my tear-stained cheek as i lie upon your muscular back, gripping the coarse ends of your fur with my calloused fingers;
i know i love you.
and i know
that this
is
the only thing that's
right.