Sunday, October 19, 2003
it seems to me
some fine things have been laid up on your table
but you only want the ones you can*t get ---
someone shld get my mother to shut up once in a while.
im in a very poor state. (i feel wanton for some godforsaken reason.) it's been 5 hrs since i started crying. no more zen. the only thing keeping me here is pure logic. im running on pure logic. responsibilty, religion. 2 things that resonate in all this silence; highlights the pain if you ask me. thanks for being oh-so-SUBTLE about walking away. what am i supposed to do now?
"i need you, please come home."
more silence. like *that's* ever gonna work. today was jus packed with things i didnt want to hear, but needed to know. maybe i shld go against everything that im living for now/the very forces of nature and jus hate you.
"I imagine that one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, that they will be forced to deal with pain."
-- James Baldwin, taken from the essay : "Notes of a Native Son" from "Notes of a Native Son", Beacon Press 1955
(that was blantantly taken off shinen's blog.)